How our lives changed {UPDATED}

In my previous post, I had mentioned that when I was only 5 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child, our lives changes forever. This is what happened...

We were excited to go to the Stowe Balloon Festival in Stowe, Vermont when I woke up feeling horrible, and I mean HORRIBLE! I was nauseous like you wouldn't believe, I was exhausted, I ached all over and life pretty much sucked. Since we had secretly not been doing anything from preventing us from bringing another little bundle of joy into the world, the thought crossed my mind that I may be pregnant. I finally started to feel a wee but better as the day went on and off to the balloon festival we went. We had a great time and all was well.

2 days later my lovely monthly visitor paid her visit and I came to realize that I was not pregnant. Oh well, maybe next month. Then, 2 days later my little "friend" was back and I thought that my body was playing an evil joke on me. I called my doc and asked what the hell could be going on with my body. The phone nurse told me to take a pregnancy test to which my reply was "Are you not listening to me?!?! I just told you that I JUST had my period like 3 days ago!!". She said to take one anyways but to call them right away if it was positive and to not get too excited. Sadly, I knew that she was hinting that I might be going through an early miscarriage.

 I called my husband and he picked up a package of 3 pregnancy tests on his way home from work.  After lots of water to help me pee and 3 pregnancy tests later, I knew that we were dealing with an uneasy feeling 3 positive pregnancy tests staring us in the face, but remembering what the nurse had told me. After calling the on-call doctor at my OB/GYNs office, we were informed that I would need to go in for hCG level testing the next day and then again 2 days later.  Did I mention that I am the most impatient person in the universe?!?!


After the first test, it was confirmed that the home pregnancy tests were right, I did have hCG in my blood which would normally indicate that a woman was pregnant, except I was bleeding just a day before. The waiting began and after what seemed like 4 years, I went back in for my second round of blood work. The much anticipated phone call finally came in and I was told my the phone nurse that my hCG levels had tripled in only 48 hours. This seemed like great news since I had been told that it only needed to double in 48 hours to show that it was not a miscarriage that I had gone through, but that I was actually pregnant and on my way to having another baby. 

The excitement began! We started telling family and friends. The news was out.  I mean, why wait?! We were so excited and couldn't wait to share our news.  I was told that the bleeding that I had experienced was obviously not my monthly visitor, but instead a little something called 'implantation bleeding'.  I wasn't even worried about the fact that less than a week before, I was bleeding. I was given the green light by my doctor and all seemed fine...

Until the next evening. Since I was so tired, I wasn't in the mood to cook dinner, so my husband went to pick up BBQ Chicken Pizza.  We were all about to eat when I started noticing that I was having some slightly sharp pains down there.  It was really low, but since it wasn't too bad, I decided to let my hubby and Maeberry eat their pizza while I went to sit on the couch.  After only 15 minutes, the pain was getting worse and I knew that a call to my doctor was in order.  I could barely get out what the pain was like, or even where it was located, when my doctor interrupted me and told me that I needed to get right to the ER to rule out an ectopic pregnancy and to see what was going on.  My thought was, 'What the %^$# did I do to deserve such a stressful week?!".  So off to the ER we went. After dropping Maeberry off to my parents house, hubby drove slightly over the speed limit to the hospital as my pain was quickly getting worse.  I was greeted by many doctors and nurses who urgently got me hooked up to an IV, gave me pain meds, took my temperature, blood pressure and wheeled an ultrasound machine in faster than I could say "Holy CRAP, I'm in pain!". 

Another ultrasound was completed and soon after the ER doctor walked in and looked like someone had just killed his puppy.  He looked at our eyes which were popping out of our heads with wanting to know what was happening to me and slowly and sadly said "It's ectopic...".  I balled. And balled. And balled.  I was hysterical.  I couldn't even hear what he was trying to tell me. Luckily, my wonderful husband was able to hug and comfort me and listen to him at the same time.  What I gathered was that I was going to be given a shot of Methotrexate and I would be admitted to the hospital for the night.  The rest of the evening was a blur.  Hubby had to leave a couple of hours after receiving this news because it was almost 1am and he had to go pick Maeberry

The worst part of the evening was actually receiving the shot.  Do you know what it is like to get a shot and to know what it is about to do to the fetus growing inside of you?  Don't get me wrong, deep down- and I mean deep down, I knew that it had to be done.  You can not have a fetus grow in your fallopian tube.  It just can not happen.  But the fact that I knew what was going to happen once that shot was injected into me, was absolutely devastating. 

There were lots of tears, lots of sadness, lots of questions, lots of pain, lots of sleepless nights, lots of frustration, lots of feeling empty, lots of hurt, and lots of trips to the ER (3 to date to  be exact). However, there was also lots of support, lots of love, lots of caring, lots of hope, lots of hugs and kisses, and lots of kindness.  Thanks to my amazing husband, family and friends, I have been able to keep my head above water.  Also, seeing Maeberry makes me smile and the hugs and kisses from her are out of this world. One of the hardest things about this process is that I can not pick up my daughter.  I have to lay low, take it easy, no heavy lifting and pretty much live a boring life until my hCG level is 0.  It is currently 1007 and it has been 2 weeks since the Methotrexate shot.  I'm hoping that within a week or so, I will be able to begin to live my normal life once again.

However, things will never be the same.  I will never forget this baby. I will never forget this curve ball that life has thrown us.  I will never forget what we have been through.  My husbands and I's relationship is even stronger now than it was before.  My relationship with my parents and sister is also stronger now than it was before.  My relationship with everyone who has supported us through this hard time is stronger now than it was before.  While our lives have changed forever, we will be okay and we will get through this.

UPDATE:

About 4 weeks after this all began, I had my 4th and final trip to the ER.  Once again, I was in horrible pain. After many more tests and more talks with the doctors, it was quickly decided that surgery was going to be the best option.  After 2 hours of rest and waiting for the wee hours of the morning to be over, I was wheeled into emergency surgery to have the ectopic removed and knew that there would be a chance that I would wake up to information stating that I had lost one of my tubes.  This is exactly what had happened. 

To be honest, surgery at that point was the best option. Yes, I am still sad at what took place and how this point in my life will always be remembered by myself, my husband and the rest of my family, however I can begin the healing process and start to move forward.

I am now almost 4 weeks post-op and look forward to my follow up doctors appointment this Wednesday. I'm hoping to get the green light on normal activities, which means that Maeberry will be able to climb all over me once again, I will be able to participate in her gymnastics class again, and all in all move forward.

Once again, this has been an event that has changed my life forever in the way that I look at how important life is, however it will not change me for the worse and I know deep down that everything will be okay!